Who Will You Be?

Hello, it's been a while. Life is crazy. I should be doing homework right now. Or I should be practicing the piano. But I feel like it's important for me to write this blog post, because last week I realized something I've never realized before. I've been taught it my whole life, but it didn't mean anything to me until I was sitting on a train looking at everyone's shoes. I learned something I can't quite put in words. I can try to describe it by saying that it doesn't matter what you wear or what language you speak or how many pictures you post to Instagram in a day, but that doesn't quite cut it. I learned that life is so much more than how I am perceived.

Last week I was in Paris. Before my trip I was stressing. I was about to visit the fashion capital of the world! I'm the sort of person who hardly ever does her hair before school, let alone put on makeup or find matching socks. But that's not to say I'm not self-conscious about the way I look, and many days I would look at myself in the hall mirror and think, "If only I had woken up a few minutes earlier today I could have put on mascara," or, "I wish I'd done my laundry last week, then I wouldn't have to wear this weird t-shirt." I know they're shallow thoughts, but they are the thoughts I had.

So as I packed for Paris, I was extremely careful to pack my nicest travel-safe clothes. I even went shopping a week or so before I left just to be sure I wouldn't be embarrassed by what I was going to wear around France. And once I was in France I almost didn't want to talk when I was in public. I didn't want people to hear my American accent and criticize me for being a tourist.

Then one day towards the end of my visit I was sitting on the metro and looking at the ground. I liked to see what cool new shoe brands people wore in Paris. But this time as I was looking at everyone's shoes I did not see a single name brand shoe that stood out. I'm sure there were Nikes and Stan Smiths and other kinds of shoes, but from where I was sitting I didn't see any really nice shoes.

I remember thinking, "People aren't afraid to wear shoes like that in Paris?"

I didn't think that thought in a derogatory way. There was absolutely nothing wrong with their shoes. But I knew that if I had worn shoes like that, I would have been self-conscious. And then I looked at my own walking shoes, which were nothing special, and saw the dust from the street. We all wore different brands, and some shoes were newer than others, but our shoes were all the same. Our shoes all walked the same metro steps and were now sitting in the same metro car going wherever we needed to go. An no matter what our shoes looked like, they would get us there.

I realized that if people didn't worry too much about what their shoes looked like in Paris, the fashion capital of the world, then I best better not get worked up about what clothes I was wearing here, in my little city in America. I'm sure there are people who really do care a crazy amount about what they look like in Paris. I did see some pretty chic looking people while I was there. But my experience on the metro taught me that it really doesn't matter how closely you follow the fads. What matters more is the quality of person you choose to be.

And let me tell you, I've been happier since I've been home. Yes my trip was phenomenal but I've never loved where I live more. You can get worked up about all the bad that's in the world and loose sight of what's important. Don't do that! Don't loose sight of the things that are right in front of you, filling you with experience and making life beautiful. Don't get carried away thinking about how much better things would be if you lived a different culture. Things wouldn't be better. They'd be different, but you'd still have trials just the same as you do here. So the least you can do is let go a little, step back, breathe deep, and decide to be the best you can be in the situation you've been given.

You don't need to look the best. You don't need to be the most fit. You don't need to have the coolest friends. You just need to take life by the hand and realize you're beautiful the way you are. I still don't feel that I've accurately explained what I learned on that train. It's not just clothes. It's everything. Stop stressing about school and work and friends, just smile and do your best. It's easier said than done, but you'll be a lot happier if you can look at things with perspective. What your circumstance is right now will not be your whole life, but your attitude and decisions right now will determine where your life goes. So be happy. Stop caring about what others think. Decide who you will be, and then BE.

God Is Not Idle

There are a lot of things I don't know. I don't know the rules of football. I don't know how to play the violin. I don't know how to do a cartwheel. But even with the many, many things I don't know, there is one thing that I know for certain! I know it without a doubt, and I know it is always right. More than anything in this world, I know that there is a God, and that He loves me!

Many things in my life testify to me on a daily basis that God is looking out for me. A few weeks ago, I was in a spiritual rut. I wasn't reading my scriptures that much, and I was saying my personal prayers even less. I didn't feel like I was getting anything from scripture study and prayer, so I didn't even try to read and pray. It was an endless cycle that I was caught in. Then Sunday rolled around, and I was starting to feel a little guilty because I didn't care about my personal scripture study and prayer. At church, I worried about how I didn't care. I worried that because I didn't seem to care, maybe I would fall away from the gospel. I really, really didn't want that to happen. So instead, I made a decision. It wasn't specific or huge, I simply decided that I would change. It began slowly, and even now I am still trying to do better, but the main thing I realized I needed to work on in order to turn things around was putting in a conscious effort to read my scriptures.

From that day, many little things that the Lord has done to bless my life have stood out to me like rescue flares. One thing really stood out to me that Thursday, after a few friends and I had done some family history work and found names to take to the temple. We were at the temple Thursday night to be baptized by proxy for those family names, but there were so many people that there was a three-hour wait. The baptistry closed at eight o'clock, but we were there until ten o'clock before we even got to do the baptisms and confirmations. I feel especially blessed not only to have been able to do that, but also that the many things left in my day to do didn't come to mind until after we left the temple. In my personal opinion, there are few things worse than a stressful visit to the temple. It wasn't until I got home and was talking to my mom that I realized all the things that should have gotten done that day, but hadn't. Though the built-up stress was not a positive thing, I still know that God was blessing me because I didn't feel that stress until I had finished the ordinances and was reflecting on my day.

The next day, that stress was still there. For all my thinking and justifying, I knew that the stress was the result of some procrastination I had done earlier in the week. I found myself pleading with the Lord that work would be canceled that day. I didn't know what else I could do, and there was no way I could get everything I needed to done if I still had to go to work. I prayed and prayed, and by lunchtime I got a text at school. It was my employer, telling me that work was going slow that day and that I could choose whether or not I was going to go in to work. I immediately texted back, saying that I would take the day off and thanked my Heavenly Father for answering my prayer.

This last week was the end of my first school term. It was hectic, trying to keep all my grades up and making sure I got everything turned in on time. I was happy to know that I was getting the grades I wanted. But as I examined each grade to see the individual assignment grades, I noticed that a fair amount of extra credit had been given to me for an assignment I didn't do. It was in my hardest class, and I looked at the exact percentage I had sadly, knowing that the next day it would probably go down if I told my teacher about the error. In a second of hesitation, I tried to justify keeping the extra credit points. Maybe they were for another assignment and had just gotten entered in under the wrong one. But I knew that it wasn't honest to keep the points, and so the next day I told my teacher. She took the points away after confirming my fears that it would likely take my grade down below where I wanted it to be. However, after taking away the extra points, my grade was still just barely above in the right range. I know that even though I risked sacrificing my perfect grade to be honest, I was blessed for that honesty.

Photo found on Pinterest.

I KNOW that God does not sit idly, watching my life take place. He is there for me, and loves me, and wants me to succeed. I am overwhelmed with His love. Without Him, I would be lost in this crazy life. So many things don't go as planned. There are so many questions without answers. But through everything, Heavenly Father is always there, and He will help us if we let Him.

The Good Shepherd

Today I watched a short video called "Jesus Declares the Parable of the Lost Sheep." It is taken from that parable in Luke 15:2-7 of the Bible. When reading the parable in the scriptures I understood it, but it was the video that put it into perspective for me.

In the video, you see a shepherd watching over his enormous flock of sheep, only to realize that one is missing. He immediately turns and goes to find that missing sheep. You see him walk to all sorts of different places; he doesn't just look around where he is already and then give up. Then you see the shepherd find the sheep, and reach out for it with care and love.

The first thing that stands out to me is that the shepherd realizes that his sheep is missing. It is so amazing to me that one missing sheep among one hundred would be missed. But just the same, that sheep's absence is noticed. And without hesitation, the shepherd turns to go find it.

The second thing that really stands out to me is how far that shepherd is willing to travel to find his one missing sheep. He cares about it so much that he walks all over the place! He doesn't give up at the first hill he encounters, but he climbs that hill and keep going. He simply does not give up.

Third, the way he reaches out to the sheep with such love is really remarkable. It shows how he really was worried and cares so much about that sheep. I personally would have probably been like, well it's just one sheep. I have 99 more. Does it really matter?

But it matters. Jesus proceeds to compare each of us to that one lost sheep, a comparison that I'm sure we've all heard before. But the truth of it really rang true to me today. Christ is our Good Shepherd, always looking out for us. It doesn't matter how insignificant we think we are, He will always notice when we fall away. He will always reach out to us with love, inviting us to come back to Him. Because to Him, we are not insignificant. We are each so special and unique, and he loves us unconditionally.

This is a picture that I keep on my nightstand.
Every time I look at it, I am reminded of Jesus' love and how
He is always watching out for me.

He arm is constantly outstretched, we just have to turn to it. He is there through the Atonement. The Atonement is a gift. Just like any other gift, it was given to be used, not just looked at from a distance. Jesus is our older brother, and just like any other older brother or sister that we have, He loves us and wants to watch over us and protect us.

Sometimes it may be easy to feel like once we've made a mistake, we can't turn to the Atonement. We might feel lost or ruined. How could we be worth to pray to God for forgiveness? But there is never a time when we need to turn to Him more than then. His love is constant and unshaken, no matter what we do. He sees us for us, not our mistakes. If we repent, He will always forgive.

Remember that no matter where we go, what we do, how far we fall away, there is a Good Shepherd searching for us and continually inviting us to turn around. He is mindful of us always. And we can never go so far that we can not turn around.

He Hears Us

Today was the day I performed last-minute to accompany my friend! I came home from school and practiced until my fingers couldn't find the notes, then I took a break, then practiced again and again. Let me tell you, I was pretty darn nervous. I didn't see how on earth I would be able to play the song well enough! I didn't care about it for my sake, but I sure didn't want to make my friend sound bad.

It was down to a half and hour before I had to leave, and I decided I wouldn't touch the piano again until I got there. I was warmed up enough, and I was to the point where I was only playing mistakes. If I sat down and started memorizing those mistakes, my performance would be horrible. So I waited, rather anxiously, for time to pass.

Then it was the moment when we were walking into the judging room. Luckily the piano was turned so the judge couldn't see me when I sat down, and that made me feel like nobody was there. But I must have said five prayers in two minutes, simply asking Heavenly Father to bless my performance that it would be all it needed to be. The judge wasn't assessing me, something I am very grateful about, but if I didn't play well, the song would sound awful.

I took a deep breath and said a final prayer as the song began. After that, my fingers found the keys. It was far from a perfect performance, but whenever a note was wrong, usually it was harmony that sounded just fine with whatever my friend was playing. I didn't mess up badly on the spots where I usually had to slow down extremely as I practiced. It really was a miracle.

The thing is, I'd done everything I could possibly do to prepare that song in just over twenty-four hours. I literally don't think I could have done anything more that would have helped. Heavenly Father knew that, and so when I prayed, sincerely asking for His help, He gave it.

Sometimes I know it's easy to feel as though God hasn't heard our prayers. Maybe we say something specific, and things don't play out the way we'd hoped they would. I've come to see, however, that God absolutely hears and answers us when we pray to Him. And actually, it is almost never in the way that we plan the answers to come. Things might go wrong for a time, but it's always because it'll make something else go right. This I know with all my heart.

Be Prepared

I stayed after school today to practice for a Shakespeare scene a few of my friends and I are doing together. As we were meeting in the room where the practice would be, another one of my friends came in. She was talking about how nervous she was because the next day, she was preforming in a solo/ensemble organization, and she didn't have a pianist to accompany her.

She asked if any of us knew someone who could play, and I told her that I could. She showed me the song, and it was easy enough I figured I could learn it well enough in the amount of time there was.

Photo Credit: artiden.com

The rest of my day was crazy. It had started out as a mellow day, nothing much going on, and then escalated into a frenzy of getting where I needed to be and practicing my new piano song in my spare time. Wow!

First of all, I'm very thankful that I am on top of my school work. Yes, I have homework, and I will always have homework. I'm to the point in school where you're never really completely done with all your homework. But, even though I missed a few days of school recently, I haven't fallen behind. I've been able to catch up quickly and keep up with the pace my teachers set.

Secondly, I'm thankful that I am able to play the piano piece. Even a few months ago, the thought of having one day to prepare and preform would have been unthinkable. I wouldn't have dared volunteer myself to be a last-second accompanist! But because I've practice my piano well over the last few months, I felt comfortable accepting the piano piece.

I know that we need to be prepared, even if we don't know what we are prepared for. When I chose to quickly make up my homework, I didn't know I'd need the time later on to practice a song. And when I chose to be diligent in my piano practicing months ago, I didn't know that it would pay off so soon. It's important to feel "ready," no matter what. Today, I woke up feeling like life was going to be perfect and peaceful. It wasn't peaceful, and not even close to perfect, but because I felt that "readiness," I was able to take on this challenge and do well.

Christ was always prepared. You never hear a story of the Savior scrambling to finish something before He had to do something else. He was always ready to help those who needed His help.

I have a testimony that this gospel is true. And I know that as we strive to become more Christlike, it really does pay off and we will feel better for it. To come unto Christ is to live in a lifestyle that is desirable above all others.

Be Thou An Example

1 Timothy 4:12 states "be thou an example of the believers."

Last night as I was reading the Book of Mormon, I was in Alma 17. It is the story about Ammon when he went to the Land of Ishmael. King Lamoni was pleased with him and wanted Ammon to marry one of his daughters. Ammon said he would not, but that he would be the king's servant.

Ammon goes to take the king's flocks to get water. The flocks are scattered and the other servants become dejected, but Ammon takes courage and sees an opportunity to be an example. Verses 27 through 30 are some of my favorites of the whole chapter:

27 Therefore, as Ammon and the servants of the king were driving forth their flocks to this place of water, behold, a certain number of the Lamanites, who had been with their flocks to water, stood scattered the flocks of Ammon and the servants of the king, and they scattered them insomuch that they fled many ways.

28 Now the servants of the king began to murmur, saying: Now the king will slay us, as he has our brethren because their flocks were scattered by the wickedness of these men. And they began to weep exceedingly, saying: Behold, our flocks are scattered already.

29 Now they wept because of the fear of being slain. Now when Ammon saw this his heart was swollen within him with joy; for, said he, I will show forth my power unto these my fellow-servants, or the power which is in me, in restoring these flocks unto the king, that I may win the hearts of these my fellow-servants, that I may lead them to believe in my words.

30 And now, these were the thoughts of Ammon, when he saw the afflictions of those whom he termed to be his brethren.

My favorite part of these verses is how Ammon optimistic. It would have been really easy for him to be sorrowful just like his fellow servants and fear the king. But instead, he saw an opportunity and took it. Not only that, but I love the end of verse 30: "those whom he termed to be his brethren." To me, that is the true spirit of being an example. Being an example isn't just showing people "how its done," so to speak. I'ts really caring about the people and wanting them to follow the example you are setting because you love them.

Ammon's story continues. He protects the sheep from those who want to scatter them (verses 34-38), and then returns to water the flocks. Verse 39 simply says, "And when he had driven them afar off, he returned and they watered their flocks and returned them to the pasture of the king..."

Ammon's fellow servants tell King Lamoni about how Ammon had so heroically protected the flocks from their contenders. As the king hears the full story, he is astonished and wants to know where Ammon was then. His servants reply, "Behold, he is feeding thy horses" (Alma 18:9).

Ammon went to the Land of Ishmael in order to preach the gospel to the people there. The thing I love about this story is how he begins with simply being a good example. It's as people always say: actions speak louder than words.

I know that as we strive to be examples to those around us, they will notice. We probably won't recognize it when they notice, but they will. I know that God has put us where we are today because we need to be there, to both influence and be influenced by the people in our every day lives. We have things we need to do. Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. We might not know what it is, but He does. I know that as we trust in the Lord, He will bless us and guide us. I know that as we diligently read the scriptures and pray to God, we will have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and be inspired as to what to do and say to those around us. Most of all, I know that Heavenly Father loves me individually, as he loves each and every one of us!

A Resolution

Today I wrote up my New Year's Resolutions. As I did, I secretly doubted whether I would actually be able to carry through with them. As I contemplated that I realized that all of them were very small, simple things that I felt I needed to to, but just wasn't doing them. I knew I wanted to do them, but I really am not good a disciplining myself. I stopped myself right there, and decided that my official resolution would be to work on discipline over my time.

After all, nothing is ever going to get done about my other resolutions if I can't figure out how to buckle down and just DO them. We are always taught that we need to work hard and get things done, but I've found myself saying I'll work hard and get it done...later. Procrastination has kind of become one of my best friends. The problem is I don't like procrastination. And yet I still embrace it. That's kind of ironic.

As I have thought about this, I thought of the life that Christ led. He never procrastinated. He never put things off, He was constantly doing. He knew the importance of getting things done when they needed to be done. And not only that, but He didn't just to it because He had to. He did it with a loving attitude because He wanted to bless others.

It has been said that to some people, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Christ definitely took time to show others how much He cared. His entire life was dedicated to being a selfless example of service. If I'm not even willing to get up and do the homework that will take me five minutes after school, then I'm far from being Christlike. Christ was never ever selfish in any way. He was the perfect example.

So I suppose that my ultimate New Year's Resolution is to "Come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him." That is the theme for LDS youth this year, so I think that is very fitting. I want to strive to be more Christlike. He gave so much to everyone and took the time to accomplish what needed to be done. You never hear a story about Christ wasting time, because He never did. He knew what was important and what was not, and he never forgot the important things. He served others and forgot Himself.

I love my Savior. I feel so close to Him, and I know that He loves me. I know that he understands everything that I go through. I know that He is the perfect example to follow. Nobody else in the whole entire world could ever get me as far as if I followed in Jesus Christ's footsteps.

Yeah, I need to do my homework. I need to clean my room. I need to discipline myself and do those things, but more importantly I need to come unto Christ and learn to be a selfless person. I know that if I do that and strive to be the best I can become, the other things in my life will be easier and I will never feel alone. I will always feel the nearness of the Savior and know of His love for me.

Prayer and Miracles

A unique thing has happened to me over the past couple of weeks. First, I decided to officially drop my musical theater class. At first I was hesitant, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really just didn't want to take the class. I love the people, but being around them for so long exhausts me, and I didn't feel up to a super busy schedule again. Before I actually dropped the class, though I prayed about it. At first I just wanted to know if I should drop the class, but then I prayed about the class I would replace it with, and I felt peaceful. I knew that I was making the right choice.

But I didn't realize why it was so right.

Not two days later, I was talking to a friend of mine at school. A mutual friend of ours had become inactive, and we had an opportunity to read the Book of Mormon with them. I was so excited! And as soon as I heard that, I knew. I knew God was planning that for me. It was another feeling of peace that just made me think, "Ok. God knows what's going on, and He knows me."

Before that happened I had been praying for a missionary experience, but it just didn't seem to be happening. I tried to put faith into my prayers, but every night I would think about the people I knew and wondered who on earth I could help. I didn't see an opportunity, but I kept on praying. I know God heard my prayers, because He gave me a missionary experience that I never would have anticipated. I was not expecting it to come from where it did, but because I was praying for it and looking for it, I recognized the opportunity when came.

Only about a week before my missionary experience I had been thinking to myself, "What can I do? I don't know how to go about this, and I honestly don't know anyone that I could talk to about the gospel." I just kept on trying my best, and striving to be an example. It wasn't always easy, and sometimes being an example just didn't happen. But I did try, and I kept on praying.

I know prayer is powerful. I think that, though I am looking forward to starting the Book of Mormon with this friend of mine, this will not be a missionary experience meant for only them. This will be a missionary experience for me as well. My testimony has already been strengthened by this, and nothing has even really happened yet.

God amazes me daily. The things that He puts into my life are truly wonderful. The way that events fit together perfectly, making room for the things I feel are important. If I had kept with my musical theater class, I would never have had the time to spend with my friend studying the scriptures. The things people call coincidences, I call miracles. Nothing is unintentional when we are in the hands of God.

Miracles don't have to be big. They just have to be meaningful. If we pray for the right things, then the right things will happen. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that he cares about what happens to me, and is there with me through every choice I ever make. He is not distant and only there for the big things, he is there making sure that every single miniscule detail in my life happens the way it needs to for me to reach my full potential. I know that as long as I have faith, He will guide me and bless me.

A Truly Wonderful Day

Today was wonderful! Really, truly, it was so happy and fantastic. And the best part is, I can't really decide why it was so great! I mean, logically thinking, it should have technically been more stressful than it was. But it wasn't.

I started out the day feeling great. I got to school and turned in a form to get a class change made (which I am really excited about!), then headed off to first period. In first period, I learned that I had a test in second period that I had completely forgotten about. I was able to find time to study for it and took the test with the same attitude I would have had during a test I'd really studied for.

In third period I had a surprise quiz on completely new material we had taken twenty minutes to learn. In my third period class there is also a person that sits right next to me who teases me mercilessly. It's lighthearted teasing, but it still gets annoying after a while. Anyway, I kept my attitude up pretty well during that class period.

In fourth period, we learned about the French Revolution (history is my favorite!!!) and got to work with friends on an assignment most of the class period, then watched a documentary about Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette.

It was a really good day. It was very ordinary, and there were a few surprises in my day that could have easily turned my mood to be negative. But I didn't let those surprises and annoyances get to me. That is, really, why my day was so wonderful. Nothing extraordinary and magnificent happened to me, but I kept my attitude bright and just smiled through it all.

I'm not saying my day was perfect. We all have disappointments from day to day; things that don't go as planned, or expectations that aren't fulfilled. I had a few of those disappointments today, but I didn't let it get me down. That is the key! That is the secret, and that is the answer.

Once you let something bother you, it's really hard to decide it's actually not important. I learned that today during my third period class. The student who sits next to me was in a teasing mood, as usual, and was out to make me frustrated. I frustrated easily today, because I couldn't see the board and they kept putting their binder in the way of my vision. They also kept teasing me about something I'd said earlier that really didn't matter at all, but was annoying nonetheless. I finally took a deep breath and told them that I didn't care anymore. That was easier said than done. I let it bother me throughout the rest of the class period, but then I later realized that it wasn't even important. I had been upset by something that shouldn't have even bothered me. I should have just let it go. It was hard for me to see that in the moment, but once I was looking back, I saw how easy it would have been.

Don't let the little things that bother you get you down. It's not worth it! I learned last week that when I dwell on a negative emotion, it gets harder to set aside those negative feelings and just move on with a positive day. By the end of the day, I can look back and see how stupid it was that I got so worked up over something so small. If you allow it to ruin your day, then it will. But if you smile and keep a positive attitude, then it won't. You get to decide how you feel. That is the wonderful thing about agency. We think and act for ourselves. When we think and act on negative things, our days are crummy and we get grumpy. When we think and act to do good with our day, our days are wonderful.

Rely on Christ

Today was one of those days that frustrates you like none other. Nothing seemed to be going right, and I was ultimately grumpy. But not at first. Oh no, I actually started out the day pretty happy. I got up early and read my scriptures and went to the temple and then headed off to school. My first period class was seminary, a church-related class that requires early-morning attendance, or in some places release time, to attend. I really love seminary, and that put me in a really good mood. Then I went to choir, where I played the song I was accompanying for the choir concert. I was feeling really good.

Then I went to math. Math is one of those classes that I actually, surprisingly, love. Yes, I admittedly do like school, depending on the day. You can find me saying that I hate school and wish I were home in bed, but the only true part about that is the "I wish I were home in bed" bit. In all reality, school isn't a bad thing. It's just these crummy days that make me declare that I "hate" it.

Math has always been a decent class for me, because I really just get the subject. It connects in my mind really well, and I can understand it quickly. And my math teacher can be very entertaining, which makes the class that much better. Today, however, was not a fun time in class. A phone went off in class accidentally, and the teacher wanted the person to turn in their phone. However, my teacher didn't know who's phone it was, and nobody came forward with it. So my teacher said that until the person would surrender their phone, he wouldn't teach us anything. Long story short, we sat there for the majority of the class period doing nothing, until he gave in on behalf of a student who came forward and offered to give him her phone, even though it wasn't the one that went off.

But by that point, I was really ticked off. I had just wasted all but the last ten minutes of the class period, having done nothing at all but attempt to decipher the notes our teacher had handed out to us. I've never learned well just by reading instructions, especially when they are written with the proper mathematical vocabulary. I am a person who learns very well when I can hear what they instructions are, and see them being shown at the same time. To not have my teacher explain them to us was highly frustrating. I will say that I wasn't quite sure who to be mad at: the teacher, or the student who wouldn't turn in their phone. But whoever I was mad at, I was mad.

I remember thinking that I shouldn't be upset. I should calm down and just move on, and I should do something about the situation. The problem was, I didn't know what to do. And the more I just sat there, the more I started to push aside those optimistic thoughts and focus on the pessimistic ones.
When the girl went up to my teacher and offered to turn in her own phone for the sake of learning the material we would be quizzed on next class period, my teacher gave in and decided he would teach us the math because she was willing to take the blame for something she hadn't done.

I didn't have my phone with me, so I didn't think I could go up and do that. But as for that, she hadn't had her phone with her, either. She had offered to walk to her locker, get her phone, and bring it back so that we could continue on with the lesson. I was bugged, because I had thought to do the same thing, only I hadn't.
After that, I was in a decidedly bad mood. And because of that, my day seemed to just fall apart. I was moody. I got pushed down in the hall and landed on a girl with a wheelchair. Normally, I would have just brushed that aside after a bit, but today it stuck with me. I couldn't carry a conversation with my friends. I was letting the resent I'd felt in math class boil up inside of me, and that was turning me into an irritable person.

I feel really bad about that. There was so much more I could have done today, what with it being a Friday. I could have been kinder and spent time with my friends doing homework. I could have smiled and laughed with them at lunch. I could have been a force for good. But instead, I made the wrong choice an allowed my bitter thoughts to eat at me. I regret that a lot. Because of that, I spent my after-school hours curled up on a beanbag, watching a movie, being anti-social. Now I've thought about my day and the choices I've made, and there is one thing I can say for certain:

Tomorrow I will be better.

What that girl in my math class did today was a lot like what the Savior, Jesus Christ, did for all of us. She offered to take the blame for what someone else had done so that we could continue on and learn. Christ atoned for our sins, our shortcomings, our every mistake. He was perfect, and he took upon himself every sin that he had never committed for our sakes so that we could repent and return to live with God again. That atonement is a gift. And gifts are meant to be used.

I am so thankful for the atonement. I know I've said it before, but I am! I am, because it is the greatest gift that could ever be given. It is the way that we can all be forgiven and eventually be made perfect. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, but because of Christ's love and willingness to atone for us, we can overcome our pasts and enter into an ever-brighter future. I am now not frustrated at my math class for what happened, or for the rest of my day not going the way I wanted it to, but I'm frustrated at myself for not doing anything about it. However, I know that I can take away that frustration and start afresh through the atonement of Christ.

I love God with all my heart, and I love Jesus Christ, and I love this gospel. I am so thankful for it, and I use it every day in my life. Without it, I would be impossibly lost. It is the rock that keeps me standing. I know that the gospel is true, and that God has a plan for all of us. I know that I am loved more than I can know. And I know that by the power of the atonement our burdens can be made light, and we can repent.

"Try a little harder, to be a little better." ~Gordon B. Hinkley

Be Better Than Before

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday." -Unknown

These past few years I have come to understand just what this quote is trying to say. Some people would see this quote and think, "It's not a competition between us and our acquaintances," and they would be right. But the way I see it that it is a competition... against yourself. It doesn't matter how other people see you, but the way that you see yourself is important. The only way that we can really and truly look at ourselves with confidence and admiration is to strive to become a better person each and every day.

When I say admiration, I do not mean vainly preening in the mirror every day before school, trying too hard to look stunning. It's not about the artificial glamor that we tend to think is necessary. It's good to look well-groomed, but the admiration that I talk about is admiration of your own attitude.

Only recently have I really been able to look at myself as a confident person. And even then, there are times where I feel shy. The most outgoing, social person has days like this, I am certain. Because we are all human, and we all make mistakes, and we feel like other people are constantly judging us for them. Some people do judge, and that is unavoidable. However, the people that really care accept you for who you are and help you to become better.

The more that I accept myself and acknowledge my flaws, the more easily I can try to fix them. The more that I willingly recognize my mistakes and admit them, the happier I am. Because then other people aren't telling me what to do and pointing them out to me. I already know about them, and I've faced them, and I'm working on them. There are always going to be people that judge and try to belittle us. Just don't let yourself become that person, because it is never worth it. Ever. People make different mistakes in life. Don't trick yourself into believing that you are better than someone because they did something you would never do. You, in turn, make mistakes that they don't make.

It's hard, because we are all human. But God gave us the power to overcome hard things. He gave us His son, who atoned for our sins so that we can repent and start over. I know that God doesn't want us to pretend to be something that we are not. He wants us to see our full potential. I firmly believe that we can not see our full potential unless we are striving to come nearer to God. Pray! Heavenly Father wants to hear from you. The confidence that God gives to his children as they come unto Him is true beauty. And when we have that, we can understand that it really doesn't matter what other people think. We just need to lift up others, and surround ourselves with those who will do the same for us.

God doesn't want this earth life to become a competition between us and our acquaintances. We aren't competitors, we are brothers and sisters working to return to our Heavenly Father some day. I know that this is true! I love the gospel. I say that a lot, but I don't think I could ever say it enough. And I know without a doubt in my mind that God is there for me and for anyone else who seeks Him. He loves me as He loves all of His children. He wants me to become the best that I can be, and that is all.

In short, just be yourself! Because as Dr. Seuss has said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Think Twice, Act Once

A few nights ago as I was getting ready for bed, my friend texted me and asked if I was going to help out with a service babysitting opportunity. Without a second thought, I replied that I wasn't planning on it. I'd helped out in this sort of service experience before, and I didn't want to do it again. But somehow she ended up talking me into helping her, and so I reluctantly agreed.

She reminded me the day of, and so when it was time I headed over to where we were supposed to be and got ready to help out. I started off with the wrong attitude. At first all that I would do was finish eating my dinner and sing along to the songs we were playing. Then the two kids we were watching started playing tag. They were so cute and fun, it was hard not to get involved in the game. Within moments, we were all laughing and chasing each other, running around, and having a great time.

As we wound the energy down, we all settled in a circle to tell stories. It was fun with a lot of input from the listeners, and that made the story take funny twists and turns. Soon we were all laughing really hard. I was surprised to find myself disappointed when the whole thing was over.

If I hadn't thought about how uninvolved I was being and decided to change my attitude, I would have been a huge negative for those little kids we were watching. Life is this way a lot. If we start thinking about something in a certain way, it's hard to change perspective. But if we don't think about it first, nothing good is ever going to come of our bad attitude. It just doesn't work that way. I know from experience that once your mind is set on things being one way instead of another, it is very difficult to realize things are really different. That night, I learned that it is important to assess our thoughts so that when we finally act on them, we can do positive things.

God knows that we make mistakes, but He gave us the opportunity to think about our actions and make changes. I am so thankful for that! He sent His son to atone for our mistakes, so that we can turn our bad choices around and repent. This I know for certain. I love my Heavenly Father will all my heart.

Hard Work Pays Off

I spent the weekend with a close friend of mine. We were goofing off, having a great time together when we decided to move her bed. (We didn't just decide randomly that she should have a new bed, it had been a topic of discussion throughout the night with her parents.) We went down to the basement to where her new bed was and took it apart so we could move it. Then we went back to her room and took apart her old bed. We moved her old bed out of her room and down the hall to where it needed to be, then we went back down to the basement. It was hard work, but somehow we got the headboard of her new bed up two split-level flights of stairs. Then we moved the metal frame, followed by the box spring, and then the mattress. Two teenage girls pushing beds up steep staircases is no easy feat. But afterwards, we felt really good. We had done something that benefited not only her, but the rest of her family. And on top of it all, we now had a bigger bed to sit and laugh on in her room.

Hard work pays off! Have you ever noticed how wonderful you feel after you finish a huge homework assignment? Or when you finally clean your room and you can find things? How about when you compete in a sports event and finish strong? The rush of accomplishment and pride is refreshing. Plus, the positive consequences always make it worth it in the end. I know that God made hard work have those positive consequences because we were meant to do hard things. That doesn't make it easy, but it sure makes it worth it every time.

Talents

Tonight was the closing night of a musical I was in. This was fun, because it was the first musical I actually got a lead role. I was so excited, and the whole experience helped me grow a lot. But now, I've decided to stop pursuing theater. I love acting, but it's not for me.

It was really hard for me to decide not to do theater. I feel like it is a talent that God gave to me. However, I also realized that the other things I wanted and needed to do didn't fit into my life when I was going to rehearsals and performances. Homework and friends got pushed to the back of my mind once school was out, and all I did all day was run around trying to get ready for the play.

This wore me out, and I soon found that I wasn't just forgetting homework and friends, but also God. I would stay up really late doing homework, and then sleep in with barely enough time to get out the door for school. I was forgetting to read my scriptures and say my prayers, and then I would decide I was "too tired" when I remembered.

Heavenly Father helped me out. When I first decided not to do theater, I was worried about what other people would think. Theater was something I'd put a lot of time into, and now I was suddenly just deciding that I wasn't going to do it anymore. While I never felt that I really truly fit right into the acting world, I didn't feel like I could just leave it. I'd been away from other people for so long, I didn't know if I could go back and be completely accepted. But as I made the decision to leave theater behind me, I saw God helping me and assuring me that I was making the right choice through the little things daily. It's usually through the little things that God shows his love and care to us.

I know that God has a plan for me and that He will help me make the choices I need to so that I can achieve that plan. He cares about me and knows me and loves me, and I've really been able to see that love this last week.

Just because you have a talent doesn't mean that you should pursue it as a career. Of course, God gives us our talents for a reason, and they are meant to be used! But you can still use your talents, even if you don't decide to dedicate the rest of your life some of them. I learned that this week, and I am very thankful that I was able to learn that.