Testimony: Line Upon Line

Hey! It's been a while. But we had some talks in Sacrament Meeting a couple weeks ago that inspired me to bear my testimony the following week, and I think it's a good idea to share part of that here. The Sacrament Meeting was all about experiences over the year that have contributed to our testimonies. A few of my experiences are very special to me, so I'm only going to share a few here. But I hope that it can somehow help you see the hand of God in your own life. I wrote in my journal before making this post, so some of this is taken directly from that entry.

Let's start with the reason I started this blog: my grandmother passed away. At the time, that didn't seem like the reason I started this blog...but looking back it really was. It was easily one of the biggest defining moments in my life, and I needed someplace to express myself. I grew up very close to my grandma, and so it was very hard for me. I really struggled for the rest of the year, and I was probably even a little difficult to be around at times. Well, the day after she passed away the reality of it all hit me. I was up in my room, crying like I had been for hours, not knowing what to do. So I said a prayer asking for comfort, or guidance, or something to help me through, and the words to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay got stuck in my head. I felt like I should turn it on, so I did, and as I listen to the words I felt peace envelop me. THAT IS THE INSTANT THAT I KNEW GOD KNEW ME, AND HE LOVED ME, WITHOUT A DOUBT. It was like He was speaking to me through the song. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

My cousins and I having one of many sleep-overs with my angel grandmother.

If you've followed my blog in the past, you might recognize this story. I wrote about it a few years ago (and if you'd like to hear more about my testimony from that experience, you can read that post here). But what fewer people know is an event that happened a few weeks later. I don't recall the exact timeline--it could have even been a few months--but regardless, the loss of my grandma and the resultant grief was still fresh in my heart. I was on a field trip with my choir to sing in the state competition, and while we were out I started to get a pain in my chest. By the time we got back to school, it hurt to even breathe deeply and move my arms. It was a sickness brought on by stress that ended up keeping me from school for a few days until it finally went away. But before I could go home that day that it came on, before I could go cry like I so wanted to, I had to get through my Musical Theater class. I had used up my last excused absence in that class to go to my grandma's funeral, so I was stuck. I felt tears well up in my eyes as we all disbanded to rehearse our parts and I was assigned to a group to practice a musical number--something I'd been hoping against all hope that wouldn't happen.

That's when my loving choir director and Musical Theater co-teacher called me into her office. She told me that she could tell something was bothering m, and I broke down. I told her that I could hardly breathe deeply, and that ever since my grandma had passed away I just didn't feel like I could be happy. She knew exactly what to say and reassured me, but also told me that it wasn't good to remain too unhappy for too long. Years later, it's a moment that we both clearly remember. I'm sure she was prompted to reach out to me. I KNOW that God truly is mindful of us all. It might seem like an insignificant experience, but it wasn't to me. God is in the details of our lives, and if we just look for Him and the blessings He gives us, we will come to recognize Him in moments like this one.

I'll continue from this experience in no particular order. Another time that strengthened my testimony came right after I got my mission call. (I GOT MY MISSION CALL AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm going to Madagascar Antananarivo, and I could not be more thrilled.) Well, actually I guess it started a little bit before that. Satan was attacking me relentlessly. He was trying to convince me that I wasn't worthy to serve a mission. He tried this in a number of ways, and still sometimes creeps into my mind with new ideas of how I could be unworthy to serve. I was so upset, because I really didn't think I'd done anything wrong! But I had a lot of doubts thanks to Satan, and so I set up a time to meet with my bishop--just to counsel with him and tell him what I was going through. I told him how unworthy I felt, even though I believed I'd done nothing wrong, and he simply said, "I believe you." Those three words had so much power. He helped me understand that Satan really didn't want me to serve a mission, and because he couldn't tempt me enough to get me to commit the sins that would keep me from going he was attacking my mind. I felt so reassured, and everything became clear. I was so at peace the next few days, and I felt the Spirit testify to me of the truth that I was worthy to serve.

Me with my mission call (and my cute brother)

But after a few days, the doubts slowly started to trickle back. That's when I felt like I should read my patriarchal blessing, and a phrase about worthiness stuck out to me. It talked about how I understand the importance of being worthy, and suddenly this whole ordeal made so much sense to me. I couldn't fathom why Satan was attacking me in this way when I knew I was worthy, but it's because worthiness is so important to me. Satan attacks the things we love most and tries to hit us in our weakest spots, and in that moment I came to realize that truth. But the cool thing is that God can make weak things become strong unto us--our weaknesses He can turn into strengths. So I turned to God even more than I had been, and really tried to put good habits in motion in my life. Once again, I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I was worthy and that I was doing what God wanted me to do. Maybe worthiness isn't how Satan attacks you. But be aware that he goes after your weakest points (if you want proof, here's an example of another time Satan attacked me in a similar way). Understand yourself, and have a strong relationship with God. That relationship with God is the MOST IMPORTANT THING. With God, you can not fail. With God, you can overcome everything.

I have so many more experiences that have led me to my testimony, but I'm just going to leave you with these two for now. My "testimony catalogue" is long and growing every day. I testify to you that God knows you! He loves you! He is mindful of you! And every experience in your life is an opportunity for Him to show you just how good the gospel is. Let Him. He will bring you the truest joy. He will make you more than you could ever make yourself.

An "Amazing Experience"

Today I was sitting in one of my classes when the teacher announced that we would be taking a quiz on the material we'd recently learned. She also announced that it would be a partner quiz, and that made me just a bit nervous. I've always struggled talking to people I don't know very well, especially asking them if they want to be my partner on an assignment. I don't have a lot of people I know very well in that class, and those I do know aren't super close. My closest friend in that class is my own cousin.

Everyone I already knew in that class was already paired up with somebody else. Before I knew it, I found myself in the situation I dread: having to not only ask someone I don't know to be my partner, but also face it if they already have one. But just as I was getting ready to stand up and ask around, a girl from the back of the classroom walked up to my teacher. Her best friend wasn't in the class that day, and she bluntly told the teacher, "What do I do? I'm a loner."

I didn't leave the teacher time to react. I leaned back in my chair so this girl could see me and said, "I'm a loner, too! Why don't we be partners?" Part of me was like, what the heck did you just do??? But the other part of me was like, yes! Good job!

This girl I was partnered with was not LDS. We didn't have much in common. I like to read and sing, she likes to skate. But she was quiet and nice; something I wouldn't have known about her if I hadn't been in the situation I was in.

As we were sitting there working on the quiz, I felt like that was what I was supposed to do, and where I was supposed to be right then. It's kind of like Ammon from my last blog post. He had to be an example to those around him before he could teach them. I felt that the best thing I could possibly do was just be a friend to this girl who found herself temporarily alone.

As I was thinking about this, I found this quote:

"Everyone you know could be blessed in some way by your ministering. The Lord is counting on you to reach out to them." ~David L. Beck

I love that so much! Even though I was not preaching the gospel to this girl, I was ministering to her. I was being a friend when she thought she'd have to be alone for the test. I was talking to her as I would someone I already knew.

This may not be considered an "amazing experience" when you think, the girl didn't ask me questions about my faith. Or, the girl isn't now my best friend. That didn't happen, but it didn't need to. When I consider this, I think it is absolutely an amazing experience. I could tell that the girl noticed something about me. Maybe it was just simply that I was smiling and reassuring her about the test. Maybe it was that I trusted her enough to ask questions, even though I hardly knew her. I'm not sure what it was, but that feeling is there. And I can only hope that maybe, she'll think back on that experience and remember that I was trying to be her friend.

I know that God often works in ways that we don't recognize at first. I would never have thought that my not having a quiz partner would lead to a missionary experience. And I wouldn't have even recognized that experience as a missionary experience at first. But I know that God is watching over all of His children. Just that experience testified of that to me! He was watching over me, making sure that I could still have a partner. He was watching over her, giving her a partner. And for both of us, it turned out to be the partner we needed to be working with at the time. I know it's important to be in tune with the Spirit. Because if we aren't we won't be open to inspiration from God. We can be instruments in His hands if we are righteously living the gospel.

Be Thou An Example

1 Timothy 4:12 states "be thou an example of the believers."

Last night as I was reading the Book of Mormon, I was in Alma 17. It is the story about Ammon when he went to the Land of Ishmael. King Lamoni was pleased with him and wanted Ammon to marry one of his daughters. Ammon said he would not, but that he would be the king's servant.

Ammon goes to take the king's flocks to get water. The flocks are scattered and the other servants become dejected, but Ammon takes courage and sees an opportunity to be an example. Verses 27 through 30 are some of my favorites of the whole chapter:

27 Therefore, as Ammon and the servants of the king were driving forth their flocks to this place of water, behold, a certain number of the Lamanites, who had been with their flocks to water, stood scattered the flocks of Ammon and the servants of the king, and they scattered them insomuch that they fled many ways.

28 Now the servants of the king began to murmur, saying: Now the king will slay us, as he has our brethren because their flocks were scattered by the wickedness of these men. And they began to weep exceedingly, saying: Behold, our flocks are scattered already.

29 Now they wept because of the fear of being slain. Now when Ammon saw this his heart was swollen within him with joy; for, said he, I will show forth my power unto these my fellow-servants, or the power which is in me, in restoring these flocks unto the king, that I may win the hearts of these my fellow-servants, that I may lead them to believe in my words.

30 And now, these were the thoughts of Ammon, when he saw the afflictions of those whom he termed to be his brethren.

My favorite part of these verses is how Ammon optimistic. It would have been really easy for him to be sorrowful just like his fellow servants and fear the king. But instead, he saw an opportunity and took it. Not only that, but I love the end of verse 30: "those whom he termed to be his brethren." To me, that is the true spirit of being an example. Being an example isn't just showing people "how its done," so to speak. I'ts really caring about the people and wanting them to follow the example you are setting because you love them.

Ammon's story continues. He protects the sheep from those who want to scatter them (verses 34-38), and then returns to water the flocks. Verse 39 simply says, "And when he had driven them afar off, he returned and they watered their flocks and returned them to the pasture of the king..."

Ammon's fellow servants tell King Lamoni about how Ammon had so heroically protected the flocks from their contenders. As the king hears the full story, he is astonished and wants to know where Ammon was then. His servants reply, "Behold, he is feeding thy horses" (Alma 18:9).

Ammon went to the Land of Ishmael in order to preach the gospel to the people there. The thing I love about this story is how he begins with simply being a good example. It's as people always say: actions speak louder than words.

I know that as we strive to be examples to those around us, they will notice. We probably won't recognize it when they notice, but they will. I know that God has put us where we are today because we need to be there, to both influence and be influenced by the people in our every day lives. We have things we need to do. Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. We might not know what it is, but He does. I know that as we trust in the Lord, He will bless us and guide us. I know that as we diligently read the scriptures and pray to God, we will have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and be inspired as to what to do and say to those around us. Most of all, I know that Heavenly Father loves me individually, as he loves each and every one of us!

Prayer and Miracles

A unique thing has happened to me over the past couple of weeks. First, I decided to officially drop my musical theater class. At first I was hesitant, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really just didn't want to take the class. I love the people, but being around them for so long exhausts me, and I didn't feel up to a super busy schedule again. Before I actually dropped the class, though I prayed about it. At first I just wanted to know if I should drop the class, but then I prayed about the class I would replace it with, and I felt peaceful. I knew that I was making the right choice.

But I didn't realize why it was so right.

Not two days later, I was talking to a friend of mine at school. A mutual friend of ours had become inactive, and we had an opportunity to read the Book of Mormon with them. I was so excited! And as soon as I heard that, I knew. I knew God was planning that for me. It was another feeling of peace that just made me think, "Ok. God knows what's going on, and He knows me."

Before that happened I had been praying for a missionary experience, but it just didn't seem to be happening. I tried to put faith into my prayers, but every night I would think about the people I knew and wondered who on earth I could help. I didn't see an opportunity, but I kept on praying. I know God heard my prayers, because He gave me a missionary experience that I never would have anticipated. I was not expecting it to come from where it did, but because I was praying for it and looking for it, I recognized the opportunity when came.

Only about a week before my missionary experience I had been thinking to myself, "What can I do? I don't know how to go about this, and I honestly don't know anyone that I could talk to about the gospel." I just kept on trying my best, and striving to be an example. It wasn't always easy, and sometimes being an example just didn't happen. But I did try, and I kept on praying.

I know prayer is powerful. I think that, though I am looking forward to starting the Book of Mormon with this friend of mine, this will not be a missionary experience meant for only them. This will be a missionary experience for me as well. My testimony has already been strengthened by this, and nothing has even really happened yet.

God amazes me daily. The things that He puts into my life are truly wonderful. The way that events fit together perfectly, making room for the things I feel are important. If I had kept with my musical theater class, I would never have had the time to spend with my friend studying the scriptures. The things people call coincidences, I call miracles. Nothing is unintentional when we are in the hands of God.

Miracles don't have to be big. They just have to be meaningful. If we pray for the right things, then the right things will happen. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that he cares about what happens to me, and is there with me through every choice I ever make. He is not distant and only there for the big things, he is there making sure that every single miniscule detail in my life happens the way it needs to for me to reach my full potential. I know that as long as I have faith, He will guide me and bless me.

Eleven Reasons to Give Thanks

One is my family. I would be so helplessly lost without my family in my life. We all take turns making each other laugh. We comfort each other, we tease other, and we love each other. My family is the greatest influence in my life, and will be for ever and ever. I am so glad that my family is as wonderful as they are, because they have no possible idea of how much of an impact they have on me.

Two is my friends. The peanut butter to my jelly, the ginger to my bread, they just understand me and make my life complete. It's so great to have people to turn to when you feel like nobody else really gets it. And what is more, usually they get you laughing and you turn a fail of a day into a completely marvelous time. They know just what to say to make me happy and pick me up when times get rough.

Three is school. Yes, school. It doesn't matter how much I say I hate it, I really love it. Because at school is where I experience society and meet new people. At school is where I learn more about the things I love to learn. And most importantly, school is where all of my great experiences with other people take place. If it weren't for school, my testimony would never be as strong as it is now.

Four is my home. I don't mean just the actual, physical house that I live in, but also my neighborhood and city. Of course I am immensely thankful for the warm and comfortable house I have, but my house would be sad indeed without the influence of the people around it. My neighbors add so much to my life, and my city influences everything that happens. So, in short, where I live is wonderful. Simply wonderful.

Five is technology. I am to an age where many of my friends have moved away, and I have family living out of state. I am so thankful that modern technology makes it possible for me to talk to them. While facebook and twitter and things like that are awesome, and I definitely don't complain about them, I am especially thankful for email and phones. I like them better, because they allow me to have more private and meaningful conversations with my friends that can take longer and get better than they ever would on any other social media site.

Six is my voice. Have you ever noticed how expressive someone's voice is? It tells their entire story! The way they talk to you says volumes about them. I am thankful that I am able to talk and sing and laugh with those around me. I am so blessed to live in a community where people live close enough to talk to one another and take the time to understand each-other.

Seven is the missionaries for my church. I am not directly influenced by them, but they influence me greatly just the same. They are such examples in my life, and whenever I get letters or emails from them, it just amazes me how strong and true they are. Their courage is astounding, and their diligence is magnificent.

Eight is General Conference, a semi-annual church-wide event for Mormons. We gather to either hear a broadcast of our modern-day prophets, or else we are blessed to hear them live at Temple Square. General Conference is a wonderful time to hear the word of God and come nearer to Him through the words of the prophets.

Nine is Jesus Christ, and His infinite atonement. Because He atoned for the sins of every single person to ever live, we can all repent! I rely on the atonement daily. Not only can I ask for forgiveness and be forgiven, but Christ also understands perfectly the way that I feel when I face a trial in my life. He knows me, and through the atonement I can rely on Him to help me through the hard times in my life.

Ten is God and the wonderful gospel through which He so abundantly blesses me. I know that God loves me more than I would ever be able to comprehend. He sees me for who I am, not how other people see me. He knows my infinite worth and wants me to do my very best. He gives me all that I have. He wants me to succeed. He puts the things in my life that I need most and knows what is best for me in all things.

Eleven is the Plan of Salvation, the Great Plan of Happiness. Because of the Plan of Salvation, the LDS faith believes in a life after death. I am SO thankful for this truth because it means that I will be able to see my loved ones who have passed on again. I know that I will get to see them again without a doubt! Heavenly Father has made it known to me. I have felt His undoubted assurance during the hard times in my life that I will some day be able to see the family members I have loved so dearly again. Last February my grandma passed away. I had a hard time getting over her passing for months and I still miss her tremendously! But I would still be having a really hard time if I didn't know that I would be able to see her again some day. That has been such a comfort in my life, and it lifts my spirits every time I feel sad that I can't turn and talk to her like I used to. God's plan for us is so amazing and perfect! I am so thankful for it.