Testimony: Line Upon Line

Hey! It's been a while. But we had some talks in Sacrament Meeting a couple weeks ago that inspired me to bear my testimony the following week, and I think it's a good idea to share part of that here. The Sacrament Meeting was all about experiences over the year that have contributed to our testimonies. A few of my experiences are very special to me, so I'm only going to share a few here. But I hope that it can somehow help you see the hand of God in your own life. I wrote in my journal before making this post, so some of this is taken directly from that entry.

Let's start with the reason I started this blog: my grandmother passed away. At the time, that didn't seem like the reason I started this blog...but looking back it really was. It was easily one of the biggest defining moments in my life, and I needed someplace to express myself. I grew up very close to my grandma, and so it was very hard for me. I really struggled for the rest of the year, and I was probably even a little difficult to be around at times. Well, the day after she passed away the reality of it all hit me. I was up in my room, crying like I had been for hours, not knowing what to do. So I said a prayer asking for comfort, or guidance, or something to help me through, and the words to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay got stuck in my head. I felt like I should turn it on, so I did, and as I listen to the words I felt peace envelop me. THAT IS THE INSTANT THAT I KNEW GOD KNEW ME, AND HE LOVED ME, WITHOUT A DOUBT. It was like He was speaking to me through the song. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

My cousins and I having one of many sleep-overs with my angel grandmother.

If you've followed my blog in the past, you might recognize this story. I wrote about it a few years ago (and if you'd like to hear more about my testimony from that experience, you can read that post here). But what fewer people know is an event that happened a few weeks later. I don't recall the exact timeline--it could have even been a few months--but regardless, the loss of my grandma and the resultant grief was still fresh in my heart. I was on a field trip with my choir to sing in the state competition, and while we were out I started to get a pain in my chest. By the time we got back to school, it hurt to even breathe deeply and move my arms. It was a sickness brought on by stress that ended up keeping me from school for a few days until it finally went away. But before I could go home that day that it came on, before I could go cry like I so wanted to, I had to get through my Musical Theater class. I had used up my last excused absence in that class to go to my grandma's funeral, so I was stuck. I felt tears well up in my eyes as we all disbanded to rehearse our parts and I was assigned to a group to practice a musical number--something I'd been hoping against all hope that wouldn't happen.

That's when my loving choir director and Musical Theater co-teacher called me into her office. She told me that she could tell something was bothering m, and I broke down. I told her that I could hardly breathe deeply, and that ever since my grandma had passed away I just didn't feel like I could be happy. She knew exactly what to say and reassured me, but also told me that it wasn't good to remain too unhappy for too long. Years later, it's a moment that we both clearly remember. I'm sure she was prompted to reach out to me. I KNOW that God truly is mindful of us all. It might seem like an insignificant experience, but it wasn't to me. God is in the details of our lives, and if we just look for Him and the blessings He gives us, we will come to recognize Him in moments like this one.

I'll continue from this experience in no particular order. Another time that strengthened my testimony came right after I got my mission call. (I GOT MY MISSION CALL AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm going to Madagascar Antananarivo, and I could not be more thrilled.) Well, actually I guess it started a little bit before that. Satan was attacking me relentlessly. He was trying to convince me that I wasn't worthy to serve a mission. He tried this in a number of ways, and still sometimes creeps into my mind with new ideas of how I could be unworthy to serve. I was so upset, because I really didn't think I'd done anything wrong! But I had a lot of doubts thanks to Satan, and so I set up a time to meet with my bishop--just to counsel with him and tell him what I was going through. I told him how unworthy I felt, even though I believed I'd done nothing wrong, and he simply said, "I believe you." Those three words had so much power. He helped me understand that Satan really didn't want me to serve a mission, and because he couldn't tempt me enough to get me to commit the sins that would keep me from going he was attacking my mind. I felt so reassured, and everything became clear. I was so at peace the next few days, and I felt the Spirit testify to me of the truth that I was worthy to serve.

Me with my mission call (and my cute brother)

But after a few days, the doubts slowly started to trickle back. That's when I felt like I should read my patriarchal blessing, and a phrase about worthiness stuck out to me. It talked about how I understand the importance of being worthy, and suddenly this whole ordeal made so much sense to me. I couldn't fathom why Satan was attacking me in this way when I knew I was worthy, but it's because worthiness is so important to me. Satan attacks the things we love most and tries to hit us in our weakest spots, and in that moment I came to realize that truth. But the cool thing is that God can make weak things become strong unto us--our weaknesses He can turn into strengths. So I turned to God even more than I had been, and really tried to put good habits in motion in my life. Once again, I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I was worthy and that I was doing what God wanted me to do. Maybe worthiness isn't how Satan attacks you. But be aware that he goes after your weakest points (if you want proof, here's an example of another time Satan attacked me in a similar way). Understand yourself, and have a strong relationship with God. That relationship with God is the MOST IMPORTANT THING. With God, you can not fail. With God, you can overcome everything.

I have so many more experiences that have led me to my testimony, but I'm just going to leave you with these two for now. My "testimony catalogue" is long and growing every day. I testify to you that God knows you! He loves you! He is mindful of you! And every experience in your life is an opportunity for Him to show you just how good the gospel is. Let Him. He will bring you the truest joy. He will make you more than you could ever make yourself.

He is Mindful of Us All.

Everyone has, at some point in their life, felt insecure. They've struggled with self-doubt. They've felt alone. We've all over-thought situations. We've questioned ourselves. We've wondered how "good" we really are. If we'll ever amount to anything really wonderful.

Three weeks ago, I was camping with the young women in my stake. Sister Elaine S. Dalton, the former General Young Women's President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, came to talk to us on our last night there. She shared many things, all relating back to the fact that we might not always know what is in store for us, but the Lord does. She used to think she was a skinny little nobody, just as many of us have felt. But as she has lived a worthy life, she has come to better understand her divine potential.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what everyone else got out of Sister Dalton's talk that night a few weeks ago, because I was way more focused on something she said at the beginning of her talk. She began by talking about her patriarchal blessing. Before camp, I'd received an interview to get my patriarchal blessing, but I was worried that maybe I wasn't prepared yet. I'd been praying to Heavenly Father to help me be worthy, but I wasn't sure that I was. I'd been thinking about getting my patriarchal blessing for a long time, but now that I'd actually scheduled it, I was having second thoughts. As soon as Sister Dalton mentioned her patriarchal blessing, I knew. I KNEW that I was worthy. The Holy Ghost testified to me that I was. For the rest of the talk she shared, I was thinking of that spiritual confirmation from God that I was prepared. And that brought me indescribable joy!

After she was done talking, I waited behind a ton of girls to be able to talk to Sister Dalton. I told her how she had answered my prayers. She just hugged me, looked in in the eyes, and said, "My dear, you are worthy!" I will never forget that. My doubt was squashed and I felt the undeniable love of God for me. I was left with no doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father knew where I was, knew the question I was facing, and knew how to reach me.

I believe that Heavenly Father has many ways for us to get the message He wants us to receive. Sister Dalton was an answer to my prayers that night. Heavenly Father knew exactly how to tell me what I needed to know. It was not at all how I expected to learn it, but I understood that it was for me. Each one of us is different. But He takes the time to think of us and answer our prayers. Sometimes we need to remember that the Lord has His own timetable, that nothing is according to our plans, but to His. We also need to remember that He often times answers our prayers in the ways we least expect. But we need never doubt that He will answer our prayers. He will, He always will. Just as the people in our lives who love us would not simply ignore us if we sincerely and righteously asked for something, neither will God. Because He loves us unconditionally, and He knows us better than anyone else.

This situation puts me in mind of my favorite verse of scripture, found in Alma chapter 26 verse 37. It reads,

Now, my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

You are wonderful! Never, ever doubt it. As long as God loves you, you have infinite worth. And guess what? God loves you forever, without fail, unconditionally, no matter what, and with the purest love. He is so, so mindful of you. If you will put your faith in Him, you will do wonderful things.

And Always Remember Him

Tomorrow is Easter. We live in a world where Easter has evolved from a Christian holiday to a holiday of Easter bunnies and egg hunts. We need to remember the symbolism that bunnies and eggs bring to the holiday, not the games they present to the holiday. Easter is a time to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The eggs and the bunnies represent new life; just as through Christ, each of us can be resurrected and have a "new life."

In Seminary we were recently studying in 3 Nephi chapter 18 of the Book of Mormon. In verse 7, the word "remember" is used twice, and "remembrance" is used once. Christ is ministering unto the Nephites and telling them of the ordinance of the sacrament. The sacrament symbolizes the blood and body of Christ. We are told in the sacrament prayers (Doctrine & Covenants 20: 77,79) that if we always remember Him, and take upon us His name, we will have His spirit to be with us.

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I was asked a while ago whether I knew what the most important word in the English language was. Aafter talking to a friend, we decided that it was probably the word "no," just because there is so much in our day and age that we have to say "no" to. But after a discussion, we came to realized that "remember" is one of the most important words.

History is recorded so that we can remember the past and learn from it. Planners are used in school to help us remember assignments. Alarms are set so that we can remember important events. Notes are kept so that we can remember our grocery lists. Our lives revolve around remembering the various tasks we have to complete. How fitting that "remember" should be the most important word.

Helaman 5:12 reads,

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yes, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build the cannot fall.

We are told, using that most important word, to remember our Redeemer, even Jesus Christ, the son of God. We are not told once, but twice. And in that chapter alone, the word "remember" is used 15 times. Of all things to remember, Christ is the most important. It is through Him and Him alone that we can be saved.

 

There is a new short video that was made by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints called "Because of Him." It is my new favorite movie, even though it's only slightly longer than two minutes. Every time I watch it, I get chills and can feel the Spirit so strong. It illustrates how Christ lived and died for us, then was resurrected on the third day. It shows how it is because of Him we have what we do in this life. The hashtag #BecauseofHim is being used on facebook, twitter, Google+, pretty much everywhere. I challenge you to use #BecauseofHim in a post, a tweet, something today or tomorrow, followed by a blessing Christ has brought into your life. I testify that there is nothing we have, no blessing given to us, that is not because of Him. He has given us everything. We owe our lives to our older brother, Jesus. He atoned for each and every one of our sins and shortcomings. Our pains and our afflictions. If He could do that and remember each one of us, we can remember Him.

A girl in my seminary class said this,

"Sometimes you'll slip up, and you'll fall, but He'll always be there to catch you."

Nothing is more true! There is a story of  rock climber, Alan Czenkusch, who was climbing belay with a friend. He slipped and fell, yanking out the three mechanical supports that were holding him up. Because he was belaying, he was attached to his friend by a rope. His friend was able to stop Czenkusch's fall by hugging the rock wall tight enough, and that saved Czenkusch's life. In an interview he said, "Don saved my life. How do you respond to a guy like that? Give him a used climbing rope for a Christmas present? No, you remember him. You always remember him."

Christ saved our lives. We need to always remember him. Know that as we climb up our spiritual rock walls in life, we climb in belay with the Lord. If we fall and our supports come out, He will spread his arms and catch us. How can we thank Jesus Christ? We always remember him.

This Easter, know that the holiday reaches beyond the fluffy rabbits and colored eggs. Know that it is a celebration of our older brother, Jesus Christ, the one who saved our lives.

Be Still

Today at church, my young women's group was talking about trials. Trials are something that everyone encounters in their lives, no matter who they are. We can't avoid them, they are there to test our faith and make us stronger. As some of the young women in my class shared trials that they went through or were still going through, I thought about a couple recent trials that I have gone through.

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My first trial began a year ago when my grandma passed away. It was really hard. While I was still a very positive person, I did have some down days where I missed her terribly. No matter what, I will miss her for the rest of my life. But because of the Plan of Happiness, I know that I will see her again some day, and that is a huge comfort to me. Just last month, my grandpa passed away, and that was even harder for me. I'd come to know my grandpa better than I ever had over this last year, so I felt a huge loss when he passed on. But they are together again, and that makes me happy. That knowledge, and the knowledge that I will see them again is what is bringing me through this trial.

My other trial is something that I wouldn't have even considered a trial a few months ago. A few of my friends are struggling with doubts or self worth, and me watching them go through that is my biggest trial right now. The part that makes it so hard is that I don't always know what I can do for them. I can see what they need, but I can't always just sand up and help them out. I want to tell them that I love them and everything will be OK, but I know that that's something I can't make them believe. They have to choose to accept that on their own. But I know that as I pray fervently and do all that I can, they will be helped and this trial will pass.

No trial lasts for ever. There is a life after this one, and if we live this life we have here on earth to our full potential, we will be blessed in the life to come. Not a single soul ever lived their life without trial. The ultimate example of this is Jesus Christ. He was perfect, and His trials were bigger than we can ever imagine. If He, a perfect man, had to go through all that He did, we certainly have to go through trials too.

But be patient and know that you are never alone. Jesus understands exactly where you are and what you are going through because He took upon Himself all the pains and afflictions of the world. That covers sin, that covers sadness, that covers every single little thing any of us will ever have to face. That covers the scrapes on your hands when you fell off your first bicycle. That covers the hurt you felt when you got in a fight with your best friend. Nothing is unnoticed by the Atonement of Christ. Not one thing.

The words of the hymn "Be Still, My Soul" come to mind:

"Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side. With patience bear thy cross of grief and pain...Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

"Be still, my soul: the hour is hast'ning on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored...

"Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past..."

God is there, and He loves us, and He will be beside us every step of our journey through this mortal life. Jesus' atonement is real, and it is available to everyone. I know that when our burdens seem impossible to bear, all we need to do is turn to the Lord and He will give us strength. He will never, ever give us anything that we can not overcome.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Doctrine and Covenants 101:16; Psalms 46:10

My Testimony

Tonight, I just want to share my testimony. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church. I know that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins and short-comings so that we can repent and be forgiven. I know that the Atonement isn't just for our sins, but also for our sadness and sorrows. The scriptures state that Christ took upon himself all the pains of the world, not just all the mistakes. So if we ever think that there is nobody who understands us when we feel hurt or alone, Jesus understands because he felt your hurt and loneliness before you ever did.

I also know that Christ died for us and was resurrected so we could live with God again. I know that death IS NOT THE END. There is always going to be a feeling of loss when a loved one passes away, and they will always be missed, but there is also joy in the knowledge that we will get to see them again. I know that God has a plan for us, and knows us each individually. His love is infinite and unconditional. It is there for us all, but it is up to us to come unto Him and feel of His love.

I love this gospel, and I love my life, and I thank God daily for how blessed I am. Nothing is ever perfect, nor will it ever be in this life. But as we do our part to be the best we can be, God will make up the difference. We can be perfected in Christ in the life to come! And these things I say in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I'd also like to share this quote by Elder Richard G. Scott:

"Simple, consistent, good habits lead to a life full of bountiful blessings...Stay on the Lord's side, and you will win every time."

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Be Thou An Example

1 Timothy 4:12 states "be thou an example of the believers."

Last night as I was reading the Book of Mormon, I was in Alma 17. It is the story about Ammon when he went to the Land of Ishmael. King Lamoni was pleased with him and wanted Ammon to marry one of his daughters. Ammon said he would not, but that he would be the king's servant.

Ammon goes to take the king's flocks to get water. The flocks are scattered and the other servants become dejected, but Ammon takes courage and sees an opportunity to be an example. Verses 27 through 30 are some of my favorites of the whole chapter:

27 Therefore, as Ammon and the servants of the king were driving forth their flocks to this place of water, behold, a certain number of the Lamanites, who had been with their flocks to water, stood scattered the flocks of Ammon and the servants of the king, and they scattered them insomuch that they fled many ways.

28 Now the servants of the king began to murmur, saying: Now the king will slay us, as he has our brethren because their flocks were scattered by the wickedness of these men. And they began to weep exceedingly, saying: Behold, our flocks are scattered already.

29 Now they wept because of the fear of being slain. Now when Ammon saw this his heart was swollen within him with joy; for, said he, I will show forth my power unto these my fellow-servants, or the power which is in me, in restoring these flocks unto the king, that I may win the hearts of these my fellow-servants, that I may lead them to believe in my words.

30 And now, these were the thoughts of Ammon, when he saw the afflictions of those whom he termed to be his brethren.

My favorite part of these verses is how Ammon optimistic. It would have been really easy for him to be sorrowful just like his fellow servants and fear the king. But instead, he saw an opportunity and took it. Not only that, but I love the end of verse 30: "those whom he termed to be his brethren." To me, that is the true spirit of being an example. Being an example isn't just showing people "how its done," so to speak. I'ts really caring about the people and wanting them to follow the example you are setting because you love them.

Ammon's story continues. He protects the sheep from those who want to scatter them (verses 34-38), and then returns to water the flocks. Verse 39 simply says, "And when he had driven them afar off, he returned and they watered their flocks and returned them to the pasture of the king..."

Ammon's fellow servants tell King Lamoni about how Ammon had so heroically protected the flocks from their contenders. As the king hears the full story, he is astonished and wants to know where Ammon was then. His servants reply, "Behold, he is feeding thy horses" (Alma 18:9).

Ammon went to the Land of Ishmael in order to preach the gospel to the people there. The thing I love about this story is how he begins with simply being a good example. It's as people always say: actions speak louder than words.

I know that as we strive to be examples to those around us, they will notice. We probably won't recognize it when they notice, but they will. I know that God has put us where we are today because we need to be there, to both influence and be influenced by the people in our every day lives. We have things we need to do. Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. We might not know what it is, but He does. I know that as we trust in the Lord, He will bless us and guide us. I know that as we diligently read the scriptures and pray to God, we will have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and be inspired as to what to do and say to those around us. Most of all, I know that Heavenly Father loves me individually, as he loves each and every one of us!

What Is Our Label?

This last Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting. One of the testimonies shared was about how people see us. The person bearing their testimony asked, "What is our label? How are we known? What is the first word people think when they think of us?" That got me thinking. How do people see me, and what is the first thing that comes to mind when they hear my name?

While it's all fun to be known as "history nerd," or "Janeite;" to be thought of as "talkative" or "fun," what is it that I want to be known by? Because in the long run, no matter how much of a fan of Jane Austen I am, and no matter how "fun" I can be, those things aren't what truly matters in the long run.

The brother sharing his testimony brought up a thought that I had never realized before. The Church's "logo" is written out "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." But of all those words, Jesus Christ is the biggest and stands out the most. When people look at our church, the first thing they see is the name of our Savior. When people look at me, I want them to "see His name" too.

I want to live the kind of life that Christ would live. I know that I am far from perfect, but I also know that I can repent when I make mistakes, and through the Atonement, I can have help in becoming the best that I can be. According to my diligence and faith, I can become more Christ-like.

While I sure hope that words like "nice" and "bright" and "trustworthy" come to mind when people think of me, I wouldn't want those to be the first words. What I want people to think is, "That is a girl who is striving to be like Christ."

Nothing is easy. Nobody is flawless. But thorough the Atonement and faith, everyone can come unto Christ, and become more Christ-like. I know that God is watching over me, and wants me to succeed. I know that He sent His son, Jesus Christ, for us so that we can return to live with Him some day. I know that God is always there, and that he loves me. I never doubt that He loves me, no matter what I do. And that He is forever willing to listen to me when I call upon Him with faith and diligence. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know that He has such a beautiful plan for me, and for every single one of us.

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