Testimony: Line Upon Line

Hey! It's been a while. But we had some talks in Sacrament Meeting a couple weeks ago that inspired me to bear my testimony the following week, and I think it's a good idea to share part of that here. The Sacrament Meeting was all about experiences over the year that have contributed to our testimonies. A few of my experiences are very special to me, so I'm only going to share a few here. But I hope that it can somehow help you see the hand of God in your own life. I wrote in my journal before making this post, so some of this is taken directly from that entry.

Let's start with the reason I started this blog: my grandmother passed away. At the time, that didn't seem like the reason I started this blog...but looking back it really was. It was easily one of the biggest defining moments in my life, and I needed someplace to express myself. I grew up very close to my grandma, and so it was very hard for me. I really struggled for the rest of the year, and I was probably even a little difficult to be around at times. Well, the day after she passed away the reality of it all hit me. I was up in my room, crying like I had been for hours, not knowing what to do. So I said a prayer asking for comfort, or guidance, or something to help me through, and the words to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay got stuck in my head. I felt like I should turn it on, so I did, and as I listen to the words I felt peace envelop me. THAT IS THE INSTANT THAT I KNEW GOD KNEW ME, AND HE LOVED ME, WITHOUT A DOUBT. It was like He was speaking to me through the song. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

My cousins and I having one of many sleep-overs with my angel grandmother.

If you've followed my blog in the past, you might recognize this story. I wrote about it a few years ago (and if you'd like to hear more about my testimony from that experience, you can read that post here). But what fewer people know is an event that happened a few weeks later. I don't recall the exact timeline--it could have even been a few months--but regardless, the loss of my grandma and the resultant grief was still fresh in my heart. I was on a field trip with my choir to sing in the state competition, and while we were out I started to get a pain in my chest. By the time we got back to school, it hurt to even breathe deeply and move my arms. It was a sickness brought on by stress that ended up keeping me from school for a few days until it finally went away. But before I could go home that day that it came on, before I could go cry like I so wanted to, I had to get through my Musical Theater class. I had used up my last excused absence in that class to go to my grandma's funeral, so I was stuck. I felt tears well up in my eyes as we all disbanded to rehearse our parts and I was assigned to a group to practice a musical number--something I'd been hoping against all hope that wouldn't happen.

That's when my loving choir director and Musical Theater co-teacher called me into her office. She told me that she could tell something was bothering m, and I broke down. I told her that I could hardly breathe deeply, and that ever since my grandma had passed away I just didn't feel like I could be happy. She knew exactly what to say and reassured me, but also told me that it wasn't good to remain too unhappy for too long. Years later, it's a moment that we both clearly remember. I'm sure she was prompted to reach out to me. I KNOW that God truly is mindful of us all. It might seem like an insignificant experience, but it wasn't to me. God is in the details of our lives, and if we just look for Him and the blessings He gives us, we will come to recognize Him in moments like this one.

I'll continue from this experience in no particular order. Another time that strengthened my testimony came right after I got my mission call. (I GOT MY MISSION CALL AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm going to Madagascar Antananarivo, and I could not be more thrilled.) Well, actually I guess it started a little bit before that. Satan was attacking me relentlessly. He was trying to convince me that I wasn't worthy to serve a mission. He tried this in a number of ways, and still sometimes creeps into my mind with new ideas of how I could be unworthy to serve. I was so upset, because I really didn't think I'd done anything wrong! But I had a lot of doubts thanks to Satan, and so I set up a time to meet with my bishop--just to counsel with him and tell him what I was going through. I told him how unworthy I felt, even though I believed I'd done nothing wrong, and he simply said, "I believe you." Those three words had so much power. He helped me understand that Satan really didn't want me to serve a mission, and because he couldn't tempt me enough to get me to commit the sins that would keep me from going he was attacking my mind. I felt so reassured, and everything became clear. I was so at peace the next few days, and I felt the Spirit testify to me of the truth that I was worthy to serve.

Me with my mission call (and my cute brother)

But after a few days, the doubts slowly started to trickle back. That's when I felt like I should read my patriarchal blessing, and a phrase about worthiness stuck out to me. It talked about how I understand the importance of being worthy, and suddenly this whole ordeal made so much sense to me. I couldn't fathom why Satan was attacking me in this way when I knew I was worthy, but it's because worthiness is so important to me. Satan attacks the things we love most and tries to hit us in our weakest spots, and in that moment I came to realize that truth. But the cool thing is that God can make weak things become strong unto us--our weaknesses He can turn into strengths. So I turned to God even more than I had been, and really tried to put good habits in motion in my life. Once again, I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I was worthy and that I was doing what God wanted me to do. Maybe worthiness isn't how Satan attacks you. But be aware that he goes after your weakest points (if you want proof, here's an example of another time Satan attacked me in a similar way). Understand yourself, and have a strong relationship with God. That relationship with God is the MOST IMPORTANT THING. With God, you can not fail. With God, you can overcome everything.

I have so many more experiences that have led me to my testimony, but I'm just going to leave you with these two for now. My "testimony catalogue" is long and growing every day. I testify to you that God knows you! He loves you! He is mindful of you! And every experience in your life is an opportunity for Him to show you just how good the gospel is. Let Him. He will bring you the truest joy. He will make you more than you could ever make yourself.

Who Will You Be?

Hello, it's been a while. Life is crazy. I should be doing homework right now. Or I should be practicing the piano. But I feel like it's important for me to write this blog post, because last week I realized something I've never realized before. I've been taught it my whole life, but it didn't mean anything to me until I was sitting on a train looking at everyone's shoes. I learned something I can't quite put in words. I can try to describe it by saying that it doesn't matter what you wear or what language you speak or how many pictures you post to Instagram in a day, but that doesn't quite cut it. I learned that life is so much more than how I am perceived.

Last week I was in Paris. Before my trip I was stressing. I was about to visit the fashion capital of the world! I'm the sort of person who hardly ever does her hair before school, let alone put on makeup or find matching socks. But that's not to say I'm not self-conscious about the way I look, and many days I would look at myself in the hall mirror and think, "If only I had woken up a few minutes earlier today I could have put on mascara," or, "I wish I'd done my laundry last week, then I wouldn't have to wear this weird t-shirt." I know they're shallow thoughts, but they are the thoughts I had.

So as I packed for Paris, I was extremely careful to pack my nicest travel-safe clothes. I even went shopping a week or so before I left just to be sure I wouldn't be embarrassed by what I was going to wear around France. And once I was in France I almost didn't want to talk when I was in public. I didn't want people to hear my American accent and criticize me for being a tourist.

Then one day towards the end of my visit I was sitting on the metro and looking at the ground. I liked to see what cool new shoe brands people wore in Paris. But this time as I was looking at everyone's shoes I did not see a single name brand shoe that stood out. I'm sure there were Nikes and Stan Smiths and other kinds of shoes, but from where I was sitting I didn't see any really nice shoes.

I remember thinking, "People aren't afraid to wear shoes like that in Paris?"

I didn't think that thought in a derogatory way. There was absolutely nothing wrong with their shoes. But I knew that if I had worn shoes like that, I would have been self-conscious. And then I looked at my own walking shoes, which were nothing special, and saw the dust from the street. We all wore different brands, and some shoes were newer than others, but our shoes were all the same. Our shoes all walked the same metro steps and were now sitting in the same metro car going wherever we needed to go. An no matter what our shoes looked like, they would get us there.

I realized that if people didn't worry too much about what their shoes looked like in Paris, the fashion capital of the world, then I best better not get worked up about what clothes I was wearing here, in my little city in America. I'm sure there are people who really do care a crazy amount about what they look like in Paris. I did see some pretty chic looking people while I was there. But my experience on the metro taught me that it really doesn't matter how closely you follow the fads. What matters more is the quality of person you choose to be.

And let me tell you, I've been happier since I've been home. Yes my trip was phenomenal but I've never loved where I live more. You can get worked up about all the bad that's in the world and loose sight of what's important. Don't do that! Don't loose sight of the things that are right in front of you, filling you with experience and making life beautiful. Don't get carried away thinking about how much better things would be if you lived a different culture. Things wouldn't be better. They'd be different, but you'd still have trials just the same as you do here. So the least you can do is let go a little, step back, breathe deep, and decide to be the best you can be in the situation you've been given.

You don't need to look the best. You don't need to be the most fit. You don't need to have the coolest friends. You just need to take life by the hand and realize you're beautiful the way you are. I still don't feel that I've accurately explained what I learned on that train. It's not just clothes. It's everything. Stop stressing about school and work and friends, just smile and do your best. It's easier said than done, but you'll be a lot happier if you can look at things with perspective. What your circumstance is right now will not be your whole life, but your attitude and decisions right now will determine where your life goes. So be happy. Stop caring about what others think. Decide who you will be, and then BE.

Be Still

Today at church, my young women's group was talking about trials. Trials are something that everyone encounters in their lives, no matter who they are. We can't avoid them, they are there to test our faith and make us stronger. As some of the young women in my class shared trials that they went through or were still going through, I thought about a couple recent trials that I have gone through.

Photo Cred: www.pinterest.com

My first trial began a year ago when my grandma passed away. It was really hard. While I was still a very positive person, I did have some down days where I missed her terribly. No matter what, I will miss her for the rest of my life. But because of the Plan of Happiness, I know that I will see her again some day, and that is a huge comfort to me. Just last month, my grandpa passed away, and that was even harder for me. I'd come to know my grandpa better than I ever had over this last year, so I felt a huge loss when he passed on. But they are together again, and that makes me happy. That knowledge, and the knowledge that I will see them again is what is bringing me through this trial.

My other trial is something that I wouldn't have even considered a trial a few months ago. A few of my friends are struggling with doubts or self worth, and me watching them go through that is my biggest trial right now. The part that makes it so hard is that I don't always know what I can do for them. I can see what they need, but I can't always just sand up and help them out. I want to tell them that I love them and everything will be OK, but I know that that's something I can't make them believe. They have to choose to accept that on their own. But I know that as I pray fervently and do all that I can, they will be helped and this trial will pass.

No trial lasts for ever. There is a life after this one, and if we live this life we have here on earth to our full potential, we will be blessed in the life to come. Not a single soul ever lived their life without trial. The ultimate example of this is Jesus Christ. He was perfect, and His trials were bigger than we can ever imagine. If He, a perfect man, had to go through all that He did, we certainly have to go through trials too.

But be patient and know that you are never alone. Jesus understands exactly where you are and what you are going through because He took upon Himself all the pains and afflictions of the world. That covers sin, that covers sadness, that covers every single little thing any of us will ever have to face. That covers the scrapes on your hands when you fell off your first bicycle. That covers the hurt you felt when you got in a fight with your best friend. Nothing is unnoticed by the Atonement of Christ. Not one thing.

The words of the hymn "Be Still, My Soul" come to mind:

"Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side. With patience bear thy cross of grief and pain...Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

"Be still, my soul: the hour is hast'ning on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored...

"Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past..."

God is there, and He loves us, and He will be beside us every step of our journey through this mortal life. Jesus' atonement is real, and it is available to everyone. I know that when our burdens seem impossible to bear, all we need to do is turn to the Lord and He will give us strength. He will never, ever give us anything that we can not overcome.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Doctrine and Covenants 101:16; Psalms 46:10

My Testimony

Tonight, I just want to share my testimony. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church. I know that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins and short-comings so that we can repent and be forgiven. I know that the Atonement isn't just for our sins, but also for our sadness and sorrows. The scriptures state that Christ took upon himself all the pains of the world, not just all the mistakes. So if we ever think that there is nobody who understands us when we feel hurt or alone, Jesus understands because he felt your hurt and loneliness before you ever did.

I also know that Christ died for us and was resurrected so we could live with God again. I know that death IS NOT THE END. There is always going to be a feeling of loss when a loved one passes away, and they will always be missed, but there is also joy in the knowledge that we will get to see them again. I know that God has a plan for us, and knows us each individually. His love is infinite and unconditional. It is there for us all, but it is up to us to come unto Him and feel of His love.

I love this gospel, and I love my life, and I thank God daily for how blessed I am. Nothing is ever perfect, nor will it ever be in this life. But as we do our part to be the best we can be, God will make up the difference. We can be perfected in Christ in the life to come! And these things I say in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I'd also like to share this quote by Elder Richard G. Scott:

"Simple, consistent, good habits lead to a life full of bountiful blessings...Stay on the Lord's side, and you will win every time."

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Tender Mercies

Last week my Sunday School class was talking about the tender mercies of the Lord. We were asked if we could think of any of these "tender mercies" in our lives; that is, times when we have seen the hand of the Lord working in our lives. These tender mercies don't have to be big things. In fact, more often than not, they are really just the little things that still mean a lot to us. Immediately I thought of two simple tender mercies.

Earlier this month, it was time to register for class changes at my school. The month before, I had already submitted a form to make a class change and had been told I would receive an email when that change was made. Still I hadn't gotten an email and the deadline to make these changes was coming up the very next day. I was really nervous because talking to the school counselors has always made me just a little bit scared, and I didn't want to. So as I was getting ready for bed, a thought came to my mind. I thought that I should pull my schedule up online and check to see if the change had been made. The thought wouldn't leave my mind, so I did. It wasn't just a thought that came because I was thinking about my schedule at the time. No train of thought led up to it. I was simply nervous about my schedule change, and this sudden thought entered my brain. I looked up my schedule and, sure enough, the change had been made.

I know that this prompting was God helping me, because he loves me enough to care about what's important to me. It was a really small thing that I could have easily done on my own. But God knew how much I didn't want to talk to my counselors and go through the stress of finding time to submit another class change, so He prompted me to check my schedule first.

Another tender mercy in my life was when I was called to be the Mia Maids class 2nd Counselor for my ward. At the time I wasn't sure whether I really needed to be in the class presidency. I was being set apart and in the blessing, I was told something that my dad often tells me.I was told that I would put the Lord first in my life, I would be blessed. That really touched my heart and I knew that it was inspiration from God for the member of the bishopric to say that. It testified to me that Heavenly Father knows me individually and is watching over me. And that this was His will for me at that time.

This last week another tender mercy happened to me. I'm sure that there were many, but this one stood out to me. At first I didn't recognize it, but now that I think about it, it definitely was a tender mercy.

My grandpa passed away yesterday. It was really hard for me to learn that because my grandma, his wife, passed away less than a year ago. My grandpa's passing was expected, but it was still rather sudden. I was really surprised and sad, and started crying. My dad and I were going to eye doctor appointments in an hour and a half after they told me, and I obviously couldn't be crying while my eyes were being examined. My parents told me to try to take my mind off of it so I could calm down, and I was inspired to exercise on the elliptical and listen to uplifting music. I found my iPod and started exercising. Within ten minutes, I no longer looked like I had been crying, and my eyes didn't feel like they had been crying either.

That was definitely God looking out for me and sending the Holy Ghost to comfort me. It was such an insignificant desire to look like I hadn't been crying on my part, but Heavenly Father knew it mattered to me. So He helped me by letting me be inspired to know what to do to calm down.

I love my Heavenly Father with all my heart, and I know that He loves me. I know that I am never alone because He is always there for me. Nobody could ever say anything that would make be believe otherwise. Because the Holy Ghost has testified to me of the truth of the gospel, and the truth of God's love for me and for everyone. I am so grateful for that.

Eleven Reasons to Give Thanks

One is my family. I would be so helplessly lost without my family in my life. We all take turns making each other laugh. We comfort each other, we tease other, and we love each other. My family is the greatest influence in my life, and will be for ever and ever. I am so glad that my family is as wonderful as they are, because they have no possible idea of how much of an impact they have on me.

Two is my friends. The peanut butter to my jelly, the ginger to my bread, they just understand me and make my life complete. It's so great to have people to turn to when you feel like nobody else really gets it. And what is more, usually they get you laughing and you turn a fail of a day into a completely marvelous time. They know just what to say to make me happy and pick me up when times get rough.

Three is school. Yes, school. It doesn't matter how much I say I hate it, I really love it. Because at school is where I experience society and meet new people. At school is where I learn more about the things I love to learn. And most importantly, school is where all of my great experiences with other people take place. If it weren't for school, my testimony would never be as strong as it is now.

Four is my home. I don't mean just the actual, physical house that I live in, but also my neighborhood and city. Of course I am immensely thankful for the warm and comfortable house I have, but my house would be sad indeed without the influence of the people around it. My neighbors add so much to my life, and my city influences everything that happens. So, in short, where I live is wonderful. Simply wonderful.

Five is technology. I am to an age where many of my friends have moved away, and I have family living out of state. I am so thankful that modern technology makes it possible for me to talk to them. While facebook and twitter and things like that are awesome, and I definitely don't complain about them, I am especially thankful for email and phones. I like them better, because they allow me to have more private and meaningful conversations with my friends that can take longer and get better than they ever would on any other social media site.

Six is my voice. Have you ever noticed how expressive someone's voice is? It tells their entire story! The way they talk to you says volumes about them. I am thankful that I am able to talk and sing and laugh with those around me. I am so blessed to live in a community where people live close enough to talk to one another and take the time to understand each-other.

Seven is the missionaries for my church. I am not directly influenced by them, but they influence me greatly just the same. They are such examples in my life, and whenever I get letters or emails from them, it just amazes me how strong and true they are. Their courage is astounding, and their diligence is magnificent.

Eight is General Conference, a semi-annual church-wide event for Mormons. We gather to either hear a broadcast of our modern-day prophets, or else we are blessed to hear them live at Temple Square. General Conference is a wonderful time to hear the word of God and come nearer to Him through the words of the prophets.

Nine is Jesus Christ, and His infinite atonement. Because He atoned for the sins of every single person to ever live, we can all repent! I rely on the atonement daily. Not only can I ask for forgiveness and be forgiven, but Christ also understands perfectly the way that I feel when I face a trial in my life. He knows me, and through the atonement I can rely on Him to help me through the hard times in my life.

Ten is God and the wonderful gospel through which He so abundantly blesses me. I know that God loves me more than I would ever be able to comprehend. He sees me for who I am, not how other people see me. He knows my infinite worth and wants me to do my very best. He gives me all that I have. He wants me to succeed. He puts the things in my life that I need most and knows what is best for me in all things.

Eleven is the Plan of Salvation, the Great Plan of Happiness. Because of the Plan of Salvation, the LDS faith believes in a life after death. I am SO thankful for this truth because it means that I will be able to see my loved ones who have passed on again. I know that I will get to see them again without a doubt! Heavenly Father has made it known to me. I have felt His undoubted assurance during the hard times in my life that I will some day be able to see the family members I have loved so dearly again. Last February my grandma passed away. I had a hard time getting over her passing for months and I still miss her tremendously! But I would still be having a really hard time if I didn't know that I would be able to see her again some day. That has been such a comfort in my life, and it lifts my spirits every time I feel sad that I can't turn and talk to her like I used to. God's plan for us is so amazing and perfect! I am so thankful for it.